[blockquote align=]“Tantra Stories” is a series of touching testimonials from our Source School of Tantra Yoga seminar students. This story is written from a single woman who experienced a breakthrough around letting love in. Learn more about our Tantra Seminars HERE![/blockquote]
Due to my profession, I operate in a very buttoned-down uptight world, and due to my own personal “stuff,” I have always been very self-protective and a bit closed-off from everyone around me… until the beginner’s weekend in Santa Cruz changed my life.
Over the years, I had constructed a fortress around my heart to protect it. My heart felt reduced to the size of a peppercorn due to various life experiences. I thought my imaginary fortress, complete with solid brick walls, battlements, and barbed wire, would be enough to keep anyone out (even myself) and salvage whatever was left of me.
But, the beginner’s weekend worked it’s magic and the walls evaporated as I experienced the collective love of the group… the kind of unconditional “no agenda” love that is so rare to find in this life.
My heart expanded in a way that was unimaginable to me, thanks to your workshop.
I was very nervous to attend the workshop as a single person. Though I am not a virgin, I still felt very virginal having not been with a man for a very very VERY long time. The thoughts of participating in the homeplay for a sacred spot massage was frightening at first.
But when Saturday evening arrived I chose to remain standing in the circle and selected a man with whom to participate in the homeplay. By this time, I already had interaction with many of the single men in attendance. I felt love, patience, and acceptance from the man that I selected and that is why I chose him. He actually sat next to me in the workshop earlier in the day and we had a lot of opportunity for interaction during the various ta lking exercises.
All the men had such good hearts. I could feel that they all had the best of intentions and were there to love and honor the goddess that lives in all women.
With an overwhelming sense of safety, I got into the car with X and we drove off for dinner. Neither of us really ate much, but primarily took the time to learn about each other. When we returned to his hotel room, he drew a nice hot bath for me. Exactly what I needed to calm me down a bit more. When I exited the shower, I was surprised by a lovely trail of rose petals leading up to and also on the bed. Candlelight provided the perfect ambiance.
Everything was taken care of and there was nothing that I needed to do other than receive the love that this man was about to give me.
I felt so safe and cared for that it became easy to relax. X caressed my body ever so gently. I could feel the waves of energy pulsing through me. After many many moments, he asked if he could enter my sacred space to which I very enthusiastically granted my permission. What followed was laughter combined with blissful tears and much pleasure. I felt the sensation of floating and I thought that perhaps I would become airborne at any second.
This euphoria propelled me into the next day and the following days with a sense of peace and joy that I have never before experienced.
After many orgasms, I felt very complete and told X of this feeling. He stopped massaging my sacred spot, but stayed present with me, lying next to me in bed and maintaining the physical connection with me for a long while. As we stayed connected, we opened up to each other even more, sharing about our hopes, dreams, as well as our pain from the past. Finally, ever-so-slowly and gently, he left my sacred spot.
For the first time with a man, I felt that someone had given me something instead of taken something away from me.
After feeling so infused with all of this love, I contemplated the optional Sunday evening session where the woman can choose to give and the man receive. There was no circle ritual this time for the single men and women, just an informal process. I picked a different man, Y, who had such a sweet presence that I knew that it would be a joy to give my love to him. Though I was nervous, I wanted to give back to a man the same kind of unconditional love that I received on Saturday from X.
I had never actually touched a man’s lingam (what the penis is referred to as in Tantra) until that Sunday evening at the workshop. My whole experience has only been penetration and I never had the opportunity to caress and give my love to a sacred Wand of Light. I was nervous, but my intention was to give this man as much love as I had in my heart to give.
I sent his lingam my love, imagining that sparks of love were being emitted from my fingers and that those sparks of love would move from his lingam right up to touch his heart and heal any heartache he might have. I witnessed his body shudder and tremble many times.
I thought that I was tickling him until he explained otherwise and I learned that it was pleasurable for him. I felt so overjoyed that I could give Y the precious love that he deserved. The hours that I massaged him seemed like only minutes. I could have continued on well into the next day. It seemed as though the more love that I poured into Y, the more energy I had. The love came back to me as my sustenance.
Now, several weeks after the workshop ended, I feel more complete than ever before. I received more love in that 3 day weekend than I have in years of other relationships. I also feel a sense of peace and well-being…. a stillness and calmness that I continue to experience with each passing moment. Yet, I also feel, perhaps for the first time ever, the exuberance of being alive. There is no going back now!
Love, D.G., Tantra Student